| fun
5 |
quickie
divorce—malaysian style
“A row over a Malaysian court ruling that Muslim men can divorce
their wives via SMS using their mobile phones has outraged women's groups
and puzzled Malaysia's prime minister.”
—
“We hope of course that instead of sending messages, you should
look at the beautiful wife that you're going to divorce [...] maybe
she would cry a bit and you would change your mind,” the PM added.
Divorce and remarriage in Malaysia can be a simple matter.
The tiga taluk, three times “I divorce thee, I divorce thee,
I divorce thee” is legal. Some figures I have seen show a divorce
rate of over 90% for some Malaysian states. But don’t worry too
much, there is also a remarriage rate of over 90%!
I expect crying is a high art form in Malaysia.
And a lot better than all that government interference and lawyer crap.
the web address for this article is
https://www.abelard.org/news/fun5.htm#fun050803
|
05.08.2003 |
advertising
disclaimer
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disclaimer |
and
now comes the moment of truth for armstrong
“And now he's trying to do what one man, Miguel Indurain of
Spain, has ever done before -- win five consecutive Tours.
“It's a moment that will live for as long as people care about
competition and achievement. Either Armstrong, working without his best
stuff, does what only one man has done before, or Ullrich dethrones
one of the greatest of all champions.
“Usually, you have to go to the movies to see such moments. Saturday,
you can see it in real life.”
Recommended reading.
the web address for this article is
https://www.abelard.org/news/fun5.htm#fun260703
|
26.07.2003 |
| the great armstrong—legstrong
would be better
Once more, Armstrong crushed rivals on the renowned Luz-Ardiden climb
to move to a strong position in the Tour.
Armstrong is having one eventful Tour. If he can win this one, he will
join four other Tour greats with five wins, and maybe he still has the
strength to go beyond that.
Each day, the French commentators bite their nails and eat their hearts
out, desparately seeking weaknesses in the prodigious American who has
stolen ‘their’ Tour for the last four years. Their voices
rise in pitch as they exaggerate every two-yard gap and minimise Armstrong’s
dominance; as every day, he yet again pulls on the yellow jersey, to their
obvious disappointment and seemingly interminable chagrin. Will this American
never break and go back to that distant land across the ocean?
For two heavy days, Armstrong has been stalking the strong German, Ullrich,
now his only major remaining rival, while knowing that Ullrich has a tendency
to crack under the pressure of the important climbs. Today was the point
to strike and, once more, Armstrong was up to the task, tearing 40 priceless
seconds from Ullrich, with an added 20-second bonus for winning the stage.
These two left Vinokourov, probably out of range for the time-trial next
Saturday, to look forward to three more heavy days on the road. Saturday
will be the day when Ullrich can hope to use his strength to snatch the
Tour from Armstrong.
Ullrich is the stronger, but Armstrong is the outstanding climber.
Through Basqueland, the roads are lined with the bright orange of the
newly competitive, Basque clockwork orange [naraja mecanica]
team, Euskaltel-Euskadi.
As the riders started up the Luz, Armstrong, and the strong contender
Mayo of Euskaltel, were brought down when Armstrong’s brake handle
caught in a bag being waved by a young spectator (the fans crowd in on
the riders as they climb), but Armstrong blamed himself for being too
close!
Having climbed back aboard complete with battle-scarred arm, while Ullrich
slowed to let him catch up (standard Tour chivalry), Armstrong’s
gear caught (probably maladjusted by the fall) and he nearly went down
again. But, from then forward, Armstrong went up the 10%-plus slope like
a cat with its tail on fire, destroying all competition.
Tomorrow is a day of rest, which should help Ullrich to recover before
the last seriously heavy climbs between Pau and Bayonne. Pau-Bayonne is
where Armstrong would doubtless yearn to cut some more slack between himself
and Ullrich. But there is a long run-in after the two class-one climbs,
so it is near certain that Armstrong will have to rely on keeping the
time gap between him and Ullrich down to less than a minute on Saturday’s
time-trial. The gap is 1 minute 7 seconds and there is a dangerous 15-second
bonus for first, an ambition well within Ullrich’s capacity.
One of the most eventful and closely fought Tours for years.
related
material
latest reports from the Tour de France
[and
the original pages, in French]
the web address for this article is
https://www.abelard.org/news/fun5.htm#fun210703 |
21.07.2003
related
material
latest
reports from the Tour de France
[and
the original pages, in French] |
the
end of beloki, and armstrong goes cross-country
“The Texan, trying to win a fifth successive Tour, was forced
to ride his bike into a field to avoid a horrific crash four kilometres
from the finish of stage nine from Bourg d'Oisans to Gap. The faller,
last year's runner-up Joseba Beloki, was in hospital last night with
a broken right leg, elbow and wrist.”
Another
report here, with a picture.
In a quiet day today, the leaders maintained their positions (as expected)
as they headed into Marseilles. Tomorrow is a rest day, then a day of
routine, next comes the individual time trial, and after that .... back
into the mountains.
The real event of today’s stage was typically French. A sit-down
demonstration in front of the main peleton [pack of riders] in protest
of the jailing of José Bové, the destroyer of GM crops and
a MacDonald’s outlet. The Tour may be the greatest sporting event
in the world, but the everyday sport of France is strikes and street politics.
Still they only stopped the Tour for 1 minute 10 seconds, honour was satisfied
and the parade moves on.
the web address for this article is
https://www.abelard.org/news/fun5.htm#fun150703 |
15.07.2003 |
| The
Flags of the World
A couple of examples, with larger versions available on-site
 
Each flag has a link to stats for that country.
This page is part of a
major statistics site.
[Lead from Limbic]
the web address for this article is
https://www.abelard.org/news/fun5.htm#fun130703 |
13.07.2003 |
fun
reporting on the tour de france, from the ny times
“The trouble began when Delatour's leader, Patrice Halgand, launched
an attack after Armstrong crashed on a descent in the Dauphiné
Libéré race. Speeding away while the race leader is on
the ground violates the unwritten rules of the sport, as an irate Armstrong
later pointed out.
“Worse for Halgand, after several riders joined him and advised
him to slow down in the name of chivalry, he launched another attack.
“Armstrong got back on a replacement bicycle and rejoined the
pack, finally winning the weeklong race. Before the finale, he made
it personal with Halgand, first denouncing him, then overtaking the
Frenchman on another attack and leaving him in the dust.”
the web address for this article is
https://www.abelard.org/news/fun5.htm#fun080703 |
08.07.2003 |
| the
greatest show on earth has started!
The Tour de France, the biggest, hardest cycle race, the biggest, hardest
sporting event in the whole world starts today with an against-the-clock
stage to the background of the Eiffel Tower and central Paris, this for
the first time since 1963.
It is soooo beautiful—red....yellow.....chrome.....space helmets
bearing down like invaders from from Betelgeuse.....blue.....pink—even
aerodynamic shoes. Orange glasses, clicking gears ::::::::whooooshhhhh
and he’s gone:::::: But wait, here comes another one::::::
How can you not be here? How can you not watch the Greatest Show on Earth
as it rushes past a field of sunflowers or lavender, or struggles up the
Pyrennes?
Follow
the Tour on the internet (in English).
related material
trailer for the greatest show on earth
the web address for this article is
https://www.abelard.org/news/fun5.htm#fun050703_3
|
05.07.2003
related material
trailer for the greatest show on earth |
| putting
more colour in your fireworks fun
“ "In the past, the colors were produced by igniting charcoal,
starches and gums, while today these have been replaced by metal fuels,
explains chemist John A. Conkling, Ph.D., of Chestertown, Md., former
technical director of the American Pyrotechnics Association. "These
metals produce hotter flames, which produce more photons of emitted
light and a variety of more vivid colors," he said in a recent
interview. For example, barium monochloride in a flame produces green;
strontium monochloride produces red; and copper produces blue emission,
according to Conkling.”
the web address for this article is
https://www.abelard.org/news/fun5.htm#fun050703_2 |
05.07.2003 |
you’d
have thought blessing would do the trick
“A gathering of 126 bishops and other Protestant, Catholic and
Orthodox Christian leaders in the Norwegian city of Trondheim boiled
flasks of holy water for 10 minutes to kill any bacteria before pouring
it into the Nidaros River Wednesday.”
But was the water holified before, or after, it was boiled?
the web address for this article is
https://www.abelard.org/news/fun5.htm#fun050703 |
05.07.2003 |
| trailer
for the greatest show on earth
[and
the original pages, in French]
Some
history:
“The original first stage, from Montgeron to Lyon, lasted an
overwhelming 467 kilometers. Lyon is on the schedule again this year,
as are the five other original cities, but it will not be reached until
the seventh daily stage, 226.5 kilometers from Nevers.
“Instead of six stages, there will be 20. Instead of 2,428 kilometers,
there will be 3,427. Instead of the 6,075 francs carried home by the
first winner, Maurice Garin, there will be €335,000 ($385,000).”
the web address for this article is
https://www.abelard.org/news/fun5.htm#fun260603 |
26.06.2003 |
the
left care, but not about sums ... or facts
“When you keep seeing the same big, fat, awfully round number
and only the unit of measurement varies, you can’t help feeling
that, whether in metric or American or imperial, nobody at Care International
has a clue about how much raw sewage is being pumped into Iraq’s
water sources.”
the web address for this article is
https://www.abelard.org/news/fun5.htm#fun220603 |
22.06.2003 |
| hero of rome
badly served by his bosses
Courtesy of the
auroran sunset, here is a succinct version of the story of
Horatius:
“he was a roman soldier who pretty much singlehandedly stopped
rome being overrun while the incompetents got their act in gear.. done
by standing a fighting at a bridgehead while two of his subordinates
destroyed the bridge behind him - once done he ditched his weapons and
swam back to across to rome.”
According to
the poem by Thomas Babbington, Lord Macaulay
( part of his Lays of ancient Rome, 1842) the bridge was destroyed with
“hatchet, bar, and crow,
And smote upon the planks above,
And loosed the props below.”
The bridge was the Sublician Bridge, which connected Rome with the road
westward. The invaders were Lars Porsena’s Etruscan army (from Tuscany).
However, regimental
petty-mindedness and political expediency put paid to his deserved
military award. ( Recorded by Colonel W C Hall, and printed in the British
Army Journal January 1953.)
Rome, II Calends, April CCCLX
I. Recommend Caius Horatius, Captain of Foot, CMCMXIV, for the Senate
Medal of Honor.
—
Vth Ind, JAG II, February CCCLXI
III. The Senate Medal of Honor cannot be awarded in peacetime (AB/CVIII-XXV,
paragraph XII, C).
IV. Suggest consideration for Soldier's Medal
—
VIIth Ind, G-I I May CCCLXI
Soldier's medal is given for saving lives; suggest star of bronze as
appropriate
—
IXth Ind, JAG II Calends, September CCCLXI
I. XVIII months have elapsed since event described in basic letter.
Star of bronze cannot be awarded after XV months have elapsed.
II. Officer is eligible for Papyrus Scroll with Metal Pendant.
—
XI Ind, G-I III Calends, October CCCLXI
II. Our currently fine relations with Tuscany would suffer and current
delicate negotiations might be jeopardized if publicity were given to
Captain Horatius' actions at this time.
—
Rome II Calends, I April CCCLXII
TO: Captain Caius Caius Horatius
I. Your statements concerning the loss of your shield and sword in the
Tiber River of III March CCCLX have been carefully considered.
II. It is admitted that you were briefly in action against certain
unfriendly elements on that day. However, Sergeant Lartius and Corporal
Herminius were in the same action and did not lose any government property.
III. The Finance Officer has been directed to reduce your next pay
by II-I/IV talents (I-III/IV talents cost on each sword, officers; III/IV
talent cost of one each shield, M-II).
IV. You are enjoined and admonished to pay strict attention to conservation
of government funds and property. The budget must be balanced next year.
With further ‘historic’ documents giving insight into the
bureaucracy of the Roman Empire.
the web address for this article is
https://www.abelard.org/news/fun5.htm#fun140603 |
14.06.2003 |
| saddam never
existed
jackkincaid
typed:
“'Anti-war campaigners' George Galloway, John Pilger and Robert
Fisk are claiming today that the Bush and Blair junta's claims that
'Saddam Hussein' ever existed in Iraq are a 'total fabrication'.
“No 'Saddam Hussein' has been found in Iraq since the end of
the war, they say, and there is no 'proof' that any 'Saddam Hussein'
ever existed. All talk of 'Saddam Husseins' is an obvious lie, designed
to cover the B&B junta's true aims in Iraq, namely to steal that
country's reserves of sand.
“In answer to the estimated 99% of the Iraqi population who insist
that 'Saddam Hussein' really does exist, but has been very well hidden,
Galloway, Plger and Fisk answered 'Well, they would say that, wouldn't
they? They're just a bunch of wogs'.
“Meanwhile, the search for illegal Saddams goes on...”
the web address for this article is
https://www.abelard.org/news/fun5.htm#fun010603 |
01.06.2003 |
streisand, would-be
environmentalist,
has just attempted to sue this site for $10 million dollars (some reports
say $50 million) for posting ‘her’ part
of the coast on this
public web site. 
The site documents a fascinating project to map the whole Californian
coast for erosion monitoring.
This
page from the site has comments on privacy and technology.
“We have little sympathy for those who would feel that in order
to enjoy the beauty of the coast that they must deny others access to
it.”
In good old American style, the web site has provided an
enlargement. You need vast patience, or a fast download, for
this one!
But this
page gives a smaller shot, and the layout of what I regard
as an impressive bit of web use.
the web address for this article is
https://www.abelard.org/news/fun5.htm#fun310503 |
31.05.2003 |
| legalise
cannibalism!
oh goody, i talk to the trees ....
and they do listen to me!
Take up your roots and walk—triffids at last. Now all we need
is a comet.
[thanx to MrMoor]
the web address for this article is
https://www.abelard.org/news/fun5.htm#fun290503_2 |
29.05.2003 |
| “i
left england at the age of four when i found out i couldn’t be king”
Bob Hope is 100 years old today [29 May 2003].
Linked article gives several of Hope’s typical one-liners.
Steyn
on Bob Hope
for a longer, more thoughtful review of his life thus far.
the web address for this article is
https://www.abelard.org/news/fun5.htm#fun290503 |
updated
30.05.2003 |
and
then there was the vast oil spill that wasn’t
from Reuters:
"S.Korea tankers crash, spill 200,000 tonnes of oil",
please read in the headline and first paragraph—
spilling around 20 tonnes of oil—instead of 200,000 tonnes of
oil
and in third paragraph—
An estimated 20 tonnes of fuel oil—instead of 200,000 tonnes of
fuel oil.
Comes of checking why I was not hearing more of this ‘story’!
Meanwhile, the real
spill caused by the Spanish government continues to harm Spanish
and French coasts.
the web address for this article is
https://www.abelard.org/news/fun5.htm#fun200503 |
20.05.2003 |
only
11% of americans can find iraq
“Baghdad Bob said today,
"We know that only 11 percent of the Americans could find Iraq
on a map. Unfortunately, that 11 percent appears to have be made up
entirely of US marines."
“A late-night comedian's joke.”
[Source : J&K Copeland]
the web address for this article is
https://www.abelard.org/news/fun5.htm#fun170503 |
17.05.2003 |
| what is an average
number of legs?
Most people have a greater than ‘average’ number of legs.
[thanx to hognoxious]
Think about it, it is true!
And the solution is.... [Highlight the box below to see the answer J]
Although most people have two legs, there
are some who have less than two legs.
This makes the total number of legs less
than twice the total number of leg-owners.
Thus the average (mean) number of legs owned
is less than 2.
A little explanation follows. |
It is often assumed that average = arithmetic
mean.
However, there are various other ‘averages’ :
| Arithmetic mean |
The mean is not always and necessarily an appropriate
‘average’. To obtain the mean, just add up the total number
of legs and divide by the total number of leg-owners. |
| Median |
The median number of legs is
“the number in the middle” when the leg-owners with
different numbers of legs are lined up in order: those with 0 legs,
then those with 1 leg, then those with 1 1/4,......then those with
2 legs, then those with more legs.
With leg-owners, the median will very probably be 2 legs.
If there is an even number of leg-owners, then the average for
the two middle leg-owners is taken. (In this case, it is likely
that will both have two legs, so again the median would be 2 legs.) |
| Mode |
The mode of a set of numbers is the number that
occurs most often. With human legs, I am told that this number is
2 legs.
In the case of legs, this is probably what the ‘average’
person means by the ‘average’. |
the web address for this article is
https://www.abelard.org/news/fun5.htm#fun150503 |
15.05.2003 |
| penis
demands its rights
“I’m lonely”, the penis told our special reporter.
“I demand full penis rights”.
“It is most unfair that I have not been supplied with a companion
vagina.”
Tonie Bliar is looking into the possibility of a new ‘law’.
A government spokes-person said he would be meeting President Bush to
discuss the problem.
the web address for this article is
https://www.abelard.org/news/fun5.htm#fun110503 |
11.05.2003 |
| american
power—six flat-tops under way
 |
Original, larger image at link provided.
Image credit:
http://garytakahashi.md/braden/triamphib.JPG |
| |
(Lead from Limbic) |
the web address for this article is
https://www.abelard.org/news/fun5.htm#fun100503 |
10.05.2003 |
why
did the chicken cross the road?
Martin Luther King’s answer:
“I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads
without having their motives called into question.”
the web address for this article is
https://www.abelard.org/news/fun5.htm#fun090503 |
09.05.2003 |
| yet
another ancient legend may be coming to life
A ray of sunshine for a new dawn in the Middle East.
“Archaeologists in Iraq believe they may have found the lost
tomb of King Gilgamesh - the subject of the oldest "book"
in history.
“Gilgamesh was believed to be two-thirds god, one-third human
The Epic Of Gilgamesh - written by a Middle Eastern scholar 2,500 years
before the birth of Christ - commemorated the life of the ruler of the
city of Uruk, from which Iraq gets its name.”
From the Enc. Brit:
“Gilgamesh, the best known of all ancient Mesopotamian heroes.
Numerous tales in the Akkadian language have been told about Gilgamesh,
and the whole collection has been described as an odyssey--the odyssey
of a king who did not want to die.
“The fullest extant text of the Gilgamesh epic is on 12 incomplete
Akkadian-language tablets found at Nineveh in the library of the Assyrian
king Ashurbanipal (reigned 668-627 BC). The gaps that occur in the tablets
have been partly filled by various fragments found elsewhere in Mesopotamia
and Anatolia. In addition, five short poems in the Sumerian language
are known from tablets that were written during the first half of the
2nd millennium BC; the poems have been entitled "Gilgamesh and
Huwawa," "Gilgamesh and the Bull of Heaven," "Gilgamesh
and Agga of Kish," "Gilgamesh, Enkidu, and the Nether World,"
and "The Death of Gilgamesh." ”
a translation of the epic may be found here.
This is currently unavailable, so here
is another multi-page, pretty (if more irritating to download) version.
Here
is a one-sheet, but unpretty, version.
the web address for this article is
https://www.abelard.org/news/fun5.htm#fun060503 |
06.05.2003 |
how to improve
your chance of sainthood—keep your nikkers on!
Saints go straight to ‘heaven’, they do not pass Go, or collect
$200.
To be a saint, you have to perform at least two miracles.
The present pope has a thing about saints. He is running close to a mass
production line. Included in his to-do list are several of his recent
predecessors!
Tomorrow during his visit to Madrid, he adds five more to the record,
and he has seven more are lined up for later in the year.
He has made about 500 saints altogether so far, and probably over 1,300
beatifications—probationary saints!
The current pope has sainted more than all his predecessors of the last
500 years!
This present trip is counted as the 99th package tour the pope has taken
in 24 year : a veritable travel junkie compared with his recent predecessors,
who tended to stay put in Rome.
John Paul 2 is the first non-Italian pope since 1523.
About 25% of Spaniards still attend church once a month.
This week’s lucky winners are :
- Pedro Poveda Castroverde (1874-1936), priest, martyr, founder of the
Teresian Association (Spain);
- José María Rubio y Peralta (1864-1929), priest, of
the Society of Jesus (Spain);
- Genoveva Torres Morales (1870-1956), virgin, foundress of the Congregation
of the Sisters of the Sacred Heart of Jesus and of the Holy Angels (Spain);
- Angela de la Cruz, nee María de los Angeles Guerrero González
(1846-1932), virgin, foundress of the Sisters of the Company of the
Cross (Spain);
- María Maravillas de Jesus, nee Pidal y Chico de Guzmán
(1891-1974), virgin, of the Order of Discalced Carmelites (Spain).
The Church claims 4,184 clergy were killed during the war by the government
(Republican) side, which accused the Church of backing fascist Gen. Francisco
Franco. Pedro Poveda [included above] was assassinated in 1936 during
the opening days of the Spanish Civil War.
At least half a million died during the Spanish Civil War, in addition
to those who died from malnutrition, starvation and war-engendered disease.
the web address for this article is
https://www.abelard.org/news/fun5.htm#fun030503 |
03.05.2003 |
7
of hearts gives up—attempting to collect a full set
Fun, but not for the targets.
“Gen. Zuhayr al Naqib, who headed military intelligence in President
Saddam Hussein's Iraqi government, surrendered to U.S. forces in Baghdad
on Wednesday, U.S. defense officials said."
And
two more cards—6 of hearts and queen of diamonds.
What chance is there of a full house, or even a royal flush?
“A Pentagon official said U.S. forces now have 11 of the 55 in
custody, with three others dead.”
Packs of Iraq’s ‘Most Wanted’ playing cards
are for sale here (printed by the same
company that made the original sets for the US forces in Iraq).
STOP PRESS: 8
of Spades has been taken.
the web address for this article is
https://www.abelard.org/news/fun5.htm#fun240403 |
24.04.2003 |
topic archives: fun
