fun news

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XII-2005: 04 17 19 23 23-2 24 27 29 | I-2006 : 10 14 16 18 | II-2006 : 04 04-2 08 18 | III-2006 : 01 03 06 13 29 30 31

edwards airshow 2005

US stealth ’plane painted with the US flag - the stars ands stripes
[Click for larger version ]

Here are some more good photos from the same air show.

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advice for islamics from imao - the auroran sunset

first there are three new t-shirts:

• “I don't wish to be argumentative, but I disagree with the Islamic belief that I should be killed.”
  
  
• “If "not being murdered" is the main draw of your religion, maybe you should rethink the whole thing.”
  
  
• “Support the separation of Church and Murder.”

then there is the supporting “editorial”:

“At worship on Sunday, a man stood up and asked for forgiveness for his sins. I said we should murder him for his transgressions, but I was shouted down. Later, it was noted that someone was no longer in attendance, and it was suggested that we contact him and pray for him. I asked that, if he won't come back to our religion, should we behead him and cut him to pieces. I was told, "No."

“Well, what about kneecapping him?" I inquired. They answered that Jesus would be against that. When I asked why we care what Jesus thinks, they just said they'd pray for me and seemed to ignore me after that.”

read on...

Apparently Italy has now given asylum to Abdul Rahman, who is once again fleeing religious intolerance in Afghanistan.

reaction test

Can you do as well as fighter pilots?

They have to keep the red box away from the other moving blocks for over two and a half minutes.

(The other game linked from this web-page used to known in the UK as Connect Four.)

Link thanks to SG.

mars on google, or is it google on mars?

Click on the latest Google logo:

and you go to Mars - well a expandable, navigatable Google map of Mars. Maybe the little green men on the logo are there too.

Part of the Google map of Mars, elevation view:
“ A shaded relief map color-coded by altitude.”
Image credit: google.com

the web address for the item above is 
https://www.abelard.org/news/fun0601.php#google_mars_130306

yobs get jobs with ferrari race team

“The Ferrari F1 team fired their entire pit crew yesterday. This announcement followed Ferrari's decision to take advantage of the British government's 'Work for the Dole' scheme and employ some Liverpudlian youngsters.

“The decision to hire them was brought about by a recent documentary on how unemployed youths from Toxteth were able to remove a set of wheels in less than 6 seconds without proper equipment,whereas Ferrari's existing crew could only do it in 8 seconds with millions of pounds worth of high tech equipment.

“It was thought to be an excellent, bold move by the Ferrari management team as most races are won and lost in the pits, giving Ferrari an advantage over every other team. However, Ferrari got more than they bargained for! At the crew's first practice session, not only was the scouse pit crew able to change all four wheels in under 6 seconds, but within 12 seconds they had re-sprayed, re-badged and sold the car to the Mclaren team for 8 cases of Stella, a bag of weed and some photos of Coulthard's bird in the shower.

ten ways dick cheney can kill you

Source: unknown

the web address for the item above is 
https://www.abelard.org/news/fun0601.php#cheney_030306

looks similar to why people listen to the bbc now!

“ In March 1940 the [UK] government decided to carry out an investigation into why people listened to William Joyce (Lord Haw-Haw) on the radio. The results were as follows:

• Because his (Lord Haw-Haw's) version of the news is so fantastic that it is funny (58%)
• Because so many other people listen to him and talk about it (50%)
• Because people are amused at his voice and manner (38%)
• Because they like to hear the German point of view (29%)
• Because they hope to get more news (26%)
• Because his anecdotes make people laugh (26%)
• Because he is a good broadcaster (15%)
• Because the BBC news is so dull (9%)
• Because he is so clever (6%)

[“Lord Haw Haw” made regular radio broadcasts from Germany to Britain during the second world war, giving outrageous and ridiculous news and points of view, as part of a German attempt to demoralise the British by use of broadcast propaganda.]

iranians don’t have a sense of humour?

Beautifully surreal, doubtless the result of having an obvious nutcase for president.

The 13 rools for solving all world problems

“7. Nations must strive to vote only for popular presidents. If a nation fails to recognize a popular president they should visit their local police station and ask it for the name.”

Sounds right up the top of Tony Bliar’s agenda.

on the church of the pc and its trouser dogma

[Note the Church of the PC has a congregation of pathologically dishonest individuals, preferring bluster and bluff to modesty and effort in their social interactions.]

1. The Church of the PC have a trousers fetish.
2. The Church of the PC is a branch of the socialist internationale, so naturally they wish to specify the trousers to be worn by all equal citizens.
3. A specific requirement of the Church of the PC is strict conformity with sheep.
4. As all socialists are dedicated secret puritans, it is obvious they would feel outraged if any person ventured to wear anything but grey.
5. According to church tenets, not only must you wear grey, but it is vital that you carefully examine the trousers of all other sheep and copy them as faithfully as you can.
   1. the flares must be precise in measurement down to the last centimetre.
   2. the shade of grey for this year must be matched exactly.

It is an essential part of political correctness that you assiduously copy the sheep in every detail. You must walk with your head downcast or a most almighty bleating will arise from the herds. You have been warned.

You may look at photos of the puritan founders of America and likewise note that you cannot tell one from another. It’s a herd thing.

Here endeth most of what you need to know about sheepdom and the Church of PC.

Warning: if you really do have yellow trousers you must destroy them immediately, preferably on a ritual fire and get grey, making fully certain that it is of precisely the politically correct shade.

For those wishing to study further the PC dogma on trousers in the fashion magazines, it is useful to know the appropriate words for this ‘style’. Look out for Grunge or Oxfam haute couture.

Next week
The hair dogma of the PC Church.

science strikes again: guns make you cross, or do guns make you honest?!

“Some 23 per cent of gun-toting drivers admitted making rude signs, compared with 16 per cent of those who did not carry guns.”

Maybe guns cause jihadism and rabies?

Where is our brave and saintly leader when the children need him most?

• warn the pope! • save that fly

• warn the pope!

In the year 1981,

1. Prince Charles got married.
2. Liverpool crowned soccer Champions of Europe.
3. Australia lost the Ashes tournament.
4. Pope John Paul II was shot.

In the year 2005,

1. Prince Charles got married.
2. Liverpool crowned soccer Champions of Europe.
3. Australia lost the Ashes tournament.
4. The Pope died.

So - the next time Charles gets married, someone warn the Pope!

• save that fly

what happens when a fly falls into a cup of coffee? [not for the pc]

• Englishman: Throws his cup away and walks away.
  
  
• Frenchman: Takes the insect out and drinks the coffee.
  
  Chinese: Eats the insect and throws the coffee away.
  
  Japanese: Drinks the coffee with the insect, since it is a free bonus.
  
  
• American leftist professor: Deconstructs the narrative of the fly, while protesting against its victimhood at the hands of Bush and the Amerikan Empire.
  
  
• Israeli: Sells the coffee to the Frenchman and the insect to the Chinese, and gets himself a new cup of coffee.
  
  
• Palestinian: Accuses the Israeli of throwing the insect into his coffee. Gets the United Nations and the European Union to condemn the Jews for the situation. Takes a loan from the European Union to buy another cup of coffee, and uses the rest of the proceeds to finance suicide bombings.

recoil ... [not for the pc]

“While interviewing an anonymous US Special Forces soldier, a Reuters News agent asked the soldier what he felt when sniping members of Al Quaeda in Afghanistan.
The soldier shrugged and replied, "Recoil." ”

the web address for the item above is 
https://www.abelard.org/news/fun0601.php#recoil_180106

races across the world

“Americans own more than 50 million treadmills, Stairmasters, stationary bikes, and other home gym equipment. Let's be honest: Many have become little more than expensive laundry racks.

“But that could change with new technology that connects them to the Internet, allowing people to compete with others from their dens. In some cases, whole new sports are being created with what were once viewed as merely fitness devices.”

the web address for the item above is 
https://www.abelard.org/news/fun0601.php#races_160106

i love me! - song from vaudeville days

“When people write their songs of love they write of one another
It's always Sis or Ma and Pa, a sweetheart or a brother
But love songs that they've aimed at me have all gone on the shelf
I don't think that is fair, so now I'll write one of myself.

I love me, I love me, I love myself to death
I love me, I love me, 'til I'm all out of breath
I stop at every slot machine that I should chance to pass
And give myself a hug and squeeze as I look in the glass

I love me, I love me, I'm wild about sweet me
I love me, only me, i'm so content you see
i like myself with such delight, i take me straight on home each night
i sleep with me 'til broad daylight, i'm wild about myself

I love me, I love me, I'm wild about sweet me
I love me, only me, so I'm content you see
With me I like to make a date
To meet myself at half past eight
If I'm not there, I never wait
I'm wild about myself

I love me, I love me, everyplace I go
I love me, I love me, and at a movie show
I take myself right by the arm and push me through the crowd
And listen to myself read me the titles right out loud

Oh, I love me, I love me, I love to squeeze my hand
I love me, I love me, it always feels so grand
With me I get right in my tub
I let myself give me a rub
Oh, how I love to feel me scrub
I'm wild about myself.

I love me, I love me, I'm wild about myself
I love me, I love me, my picture's on my shelf
You may not think I look so good but me just thinks I'm just fine
It's great to look into my eyes and know they're mine all mine

I love me, I love me, my birthday's once a year
I love me, Only me, and when my birthday's near
I go with me and buy myself some gifts to put away
Then I surprise myself with them when I wakes up that day!
I love me, I love me, I'll marry me some day
Right away, Saturday, I'll give me all my pay

I love me, I love me, and my love doesn't bore
Day by day in every way, I love me more and more
I take me to some quiet place
And put my arms around my waist
If i gets fresh, I slap my face...
I'm wild about myself ”
[Weber and Hoins,1922 ]

To pick up the tune, listen to real audio links:

I Love Me by Billy Murray
I Love Me sung by Billy Clarke [links from goatboy]

Two other versions (audio links in linked pages):

Tiny Tim

Eddie Cantor

A relatively recent version of this song was recorded by Clinton Ford, the brilliant speciality jazz-band singer of the 1950s and 60s. (Clinton Ford still works from time to time.)

This song is included on the double cd listed below, together with many other fun songs. The double CD has fifty-seven tracks, with twenty-eight speciality songs on CD 1, while CD 2 has twenty-nine of Clinton Fords favourite country-and-western tracks. This double CD is highly recommended.

Run to the Door [the Pye Anthology] Clinton Ford, 2002, Sequel label, B000062R62 £9.99 2 discs [amazon.co.uk] {advert} amazon.com [USA]

alleged five stages in the demise of the fossil media

We are now in the second of five stages of old media death. First there was denial, and now there is anger, with Hiltzik's childish tantrum just the most obvious of many similar outbursts. Soon there will be bargaining --I'll be nice to you if you are nice to me-- and then depression and acceptance.

“And then, perhaps, MSM [the fossil media] will get back to putting out non-agenda driven news from a balanced newsroom, transparent in its ideological biases, and full of young and talented graduates as oppsoed to tenured and bitter time-servers."

the web address for the item above is 
https://www.abelard.org/news/fun0601.php#fossil_media_100106

email email_abelard [at] abelard.org

© abelard, 2006, 10 january


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